The Weakness
It is rare that I talk about my weight for the simple reason that it feels weird being open about it and second because I usually feel better and more comfortable when I gain weight. Weight should not be on my mind, but it is. I think a lot about it and I am never really satisfied with my own weight. 99% of the time the scale tells me I am in the range 80-85kg - at 1.88m height anyone should sleep easily with such a ratio. During the winter season I sport a 'protective layer' and as the days become longer during the spring and the summer I lose some weight again. In extreme cases my weight has already dropped below the 80kg floor and also broken the 85kg cap. In early 2020 I caught some kind of flu and in the course of the sickness my weight dropped to 77kg within days - I assumed dehydration as the main cause, as I could not eat and hat vomiting fits during the night for several days. However it was a slow process until I was able to regain my original weight. These are rare occasions. But generally no matter how heavy or skinny I am, I can't stop thinking about my weight - which I consider a bad habit.The Strength
Because I have a natural passion for exercise I crave for my daily dose in case I am not able to do any workout. If you do something (e.g. work out) regularly over a long enough period, say three decades or so, you can have yourself addicted to anything. In my case it all started with swimming, when I was 14. Then at 23 I started triathlon. During my years in consulting I decided to focus on running - I was just not able to fit all the triathlon equipment into my travel case, let alone make time for all the training in the different disciplines. Focus is key, as we all know. Over the past years I transitioned to cycling - with a more self determined schedule I was able to make more time. Cycling is just exactly my thing. It combines multiple dimensions: adventure, performance, social interaction and technical aspects. I love it. My workout habit is a very effective tool to manipulate my weight. Therefore I am fully aware that I might make a whining impression, because not many people have this privileged option at their disposition.
The Threat
The real potential problem is my control group: the average cyclist usually weighs between 60 and 70kg. With my measly 83kg on average I can not really frighten any more than the average amateur cyclist. To be a better performing cyclist I would have to lose weight. The problem is, I hate losing weight. Knowing from experience, when I am below my 'sweet spot' weight range, I easily get ill, I generally feel tired and cranky and worst of all: my wife keeps telling me to buy new suits or to go to a tailor and retrofit my old ones. I also hate it when I overeat and feel like a stuffed chicken - which happens more often than I like to admit. Sometimes I binge on sweets until I feel almost so sick that I feel I am on the verge of throwing up. My kids have already caught me binging on chocolate -my favorite- after dinner. I felt like the biggest fraud on the planet: telling my children not to eat any sweets in the evening and then living by completely different standards. But more than having double standards I fear of falling into the 'skinny cyclist' trap by constantly feeling the urge to lose weight. This fear is my biggest nemesis and most likely the reason for my occasional binges.
The Opportunity
Last year I set myself a challenge: document all the calories I consume for 30 days on Instagram. Exceptions were only water and espresso - I really appreciate good espresso. It freaked out friends and family, I have to admit, as I was taking photos of every big or tiny meal all the time and posted it with all ingredients and some additional info on social media. However my eating habits benefited from that experiment a lot. Sadly the habit did not stick with me, so I went back to my old habits with all the flaws in my nutrition. Maybe the only reason I could be successful with a more balanced diet was because I knew that 30 days would pass in no time in the first place. But in the end this tiny experiment had one significant effect: it opened my eyes in many aspects. First of all it had a disciplining effect on my eating habits. I started to plan my meals and to restrict meals to breakfast, lunch and dinner. Exceptions, like snacks, were all kind of a fuss, because I had to document them. Second, after a few days I was able to see some patterns in my eating habits. Some of which I had already kind of anticipated, but also some that came as a total surprise to me. For example I ate a lot of bread and almost no meat. That's a lot of carbs and not much protein. Also I did not vary the palette of food a lot. I see great potential in creating a better personal eating habit by fostering awareness for healthy food and a more balanced diet along with its positive long term effects on my health in addition to an active life.
Insights And Action
Upon those insights I started to lay out strategies to increase the variety of food and dishes in my diet. Instead of a radical approach I decided to change my habits step by step. I still eat sweets and still drink alcohol, however more responsibly and according to the guidelines of my strategy. Also I started to monitor my protein intake and to use protein powder as a supplement (e.g. for shakes) occasionally. Last but least I control the amount of alcohol I drink (usually on maximum one occasion a week) and also preferably drink non-alcoholic beer. I have enjoyed that already during my years as a competitive triathlete. According to the scale my weight did not change a bit at all. Nevertheless the volatility decreased somewhat and I have been feeling better ever since I watched out for healthy nutrition.
Don't Shoot Me
This sounds very nerdy and reading back on these lines, I am not sure anyone would want to have a beer with me, knowing how much of a nerd or weirdo I am. You might also criticize that this is a luxury problem compared to people with real eating problems. And you might probably be right. I am not saying that I have the toughest fate on earth. All I am saying is that I know I often feel bad about my weight and the strategies I found helpful to tackle this feeling.
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