Being Brave with Big Brutes
How do you handle people who have an overlarge ego and a virtually insatiable hunger for status and attention? Managing people or groups of people with some 'challenging individuals' can be tricky, especially if you are in charge of a meeting or a project. Thus you will want to keep the balance and grant everyone their fair share of sunlight. In consulting I learned a funny but accurate term for these types of people: the 'silverback'. Typically silverbacks have a tendency to underline strong convictions with vigorous statements even in case their position is not firmly backed by facts or evidence. Sadly these people can sometimes intimidate peers who don't have an overlarge ego or don't have any bias to bold and brazen behaviour. Here are five ways I found effective to deal with 'silver backs' to everybody's advantage:
1. Avoid confrontation - Don't be confrontational with silver backs. In fact, don't ever be confrontational if you can avoid it. But try not to be even harder with silver backs. If you are trying to make a point, an upfront confirmation with an alternative proposal works best, e.g. 'It is true that according to our guidelines we cannot extend our marketing budget on short notice. However it is also true that there have been exceptions in the past, like when we increased our sales budget two years ago on four weeks' notice by 20%.' Always be positive and integrative. Don't be devout but create an atmosphere of mutual respect and trust. In case you have to make a stand: pick your fights well. Sometimes a contradiction will earn you a silverback's respect.
2. Provide status - Sometimes it is the small things that make the big difference. Understanding the motivation mechanisms of people with an oversized ego is essential to integrate them effectively into a group or a team. It can be as easy as allowing him to introduce himself first, grant her some time to speak in front of an audience or addressing her by her rank in addition -or even instead of- to her name. Status and elevation in front of an audience can be a strong motivator and usually is easily provided without any adverse effects on others.
3. Leverage status - You can not only give, but also utilize the status of alphas. It can be useful to trigger decisions by using strongly opinionated people with a high status within a group to minimize controversies and long, grinding discussions. But keep in mind that these kinds of decisions should always be prepared with extreme diligence and in an excellently comprehensive way so that the desired proposition is easy to accept. You will have the advantage that you will need only convince one person to bring the rest of the dominoes to fall in line.
4. Change of perspective - A change of roles can help to better understand the positions of others and view one's own position from a different angle. This change of perspective can be triggered with a question like 'What do you think would/could be your biggest concern if you were in XYZ position?' or 'Could you think of an even more effective solution/alternative if you were in the role of ABC?'. Try to maximize favour towards an opposite position or a new idea by considering the one simple fact that nobody likes to be lectured. However, if you can lead people towards an answer or a solution that they have already created on their own, acceptance will be easier to achieve. Foster empathy and understanding of controversial positions.
5. Ask for help - This is the most obvious but strangely the most underrated gambit to deal with high ego people. Have the courage to ask for help. Don't let yourself be intimidated. You don't necessarily have to play the dumbest person in the room, though even that can be an effective option. I like to play this gambit whenever I am on a new project, a new team or on any new assignment. Ignorance, or rather assumed ignorance grants certain privileges. By proactively asking for help I often get a better understanding not only of the matter of facts, but also of the knowledge, the assumptions and the positions of the people that help me. Working together closely is an unparalleled means in order to create a mutual understanding and ultimately to create trust. By asking for help you will learn to better understand what is on your peer's mind and eventually be able to help more effectively.
In a nutshell:
Gorillas also have a human side. Tap into the vast possibilities and treat silverbacks like humans.
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