Welcome back everybody. Here we go again with the series 'How to not suck at consulting'. It has been a while since my last post, but things are running a little crazy at the moment for me.
May has traditionally lots of legal holidays, so it is supposed to be a pleasure from a worker's point of view. If you have multiple projects running simultaniously, the circumstances can differ slightly. It's all about deliverables and delivering. Customers seem to care little about the difference between working days and calendar days. However there's nothing more pathetic than a consultant or even a manager complaining about excess workloads. So let's get to the point.
Well, yes and no. Yes, meaning you should care about the food you eat and how much of it you eat. Basically, food and nutrition are crucial. And no, food is one piece of the puzzle, but the whole picture is your health. So you should eat whatever nourishes your heath. In consulting, that is almost impossible. In case you are on site at your customer's -and working in consulting you will be most of the time- you simply don't always have the choice to pick healthy food. Arriving at your hotel late or traveling also requires to stick to a limited choice of food, even if most airports and train stations offer a large variety of healthy dishes. There will always be times where you will have to put up with whatever you get, e.g. coffee & cookies, canteen food, fast food, etc.. One possible solution is to make your body more resilient to crappy food. I always have a pair of running shoes with me. Eat healthy whenever you have the opportunity. Workout regularly and thus: Burn shit! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BLjOCK2SlM
Maybe you just have to admit, that there are some things people probably won't be able handle on their own. Be patient. Take your time. The future will be brighter, no matter how dark the past was.
But else, yes, do smile and laugh as much as you can. And saying this, I feel obliged to drop the bomb with my top three favourite consultant jokes:
1.
A guy is driving
around in his Porsche in the countryside.
Stops outside a
field full of sheep, walks up to the shepherd and says "I've got an offer.
I'll guess how many sheep you've got in this field, and if I guess right, I get
to take a sheep with me, and if I guess wrong, you get my car." Shepherd thinks
he's on to a sure thing and agrees. "137" says the driver. "Damn
me, you're right.", says the shepherd and dutifully hands over a sheep.
Man walks away, stuffs sheep in car, and is about to drive away when the
shepherd knocks on his window. "I've got a proposal for you. If I can
guess what you do for a living, I get to take your car. If I'm wrong, you can
have all my sheep." "Done", says the driver, counting up the
number of nights he could be kept happy with 137 sheep. "You're a
consultant.", says the shepherd. "Bloody hell, how did you
guess?" "Easy. You come in here uninvited, you tell me what I already
know, and then you charge me for it. Now give me back my sheep- dog.
2.
A guy in a bar leans
over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear a management
consultant joke?"
The guy next to him
replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet
tall, 200 pounds, and I'm a management consultant. The guy sitting next to me
is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's a management consultant. And the guy
sitting next to him is 6'5" tall, 250 pounds, and he's a management
consultant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?" The first guy says,
"No, I don't want to have to explain it three times.
3.
A surgeon, an
engineer and a consultant are discussing what the oldest profession in the
world could be.
The surgeon says :
"As God created Eve from Adam's rib, I consider this as a medical act, so,
the oldest profession is the one of surgery".
Of course, the
engineer doesn't agree and replies: "No, no, in the Bible, it is stated
that God created Earth and Heaven out of the Chaos. Clearly, this is purely
engineering, so mine is the oldest profession".
At which point the
consultant says: "And who do you think, created that Chaos?
Whenever people are passionate about somthing, they'll have a tendency to be emotional about it. Emotionality always polarizes people's views and behaviours. Ask any fan of a soccer team, which team is the best. Or if you want to see real emotion, say something disrespectrul, negative, or even offending about a passionate fan's team.
Emotions however are seldom the right guide to make good decisions, let alone a good guide to make decisions in consulting. As a consultant you are an analyst and a trigger for change, so you have a certain responsibility towards anyone you provide with advice. Professional avice should be based on insights and conclusions that are based on facts, not emotions, guts, guesses, maybe even second guesses or anything the like. Your conclusions should be like scientific findings and experiments: they should be logically solid, reproductible and comprehensive.
The word 'hate' is so negative and such a strong expression anyways. I can actually think of only one thing that I hate (maybe): waste of resources.
Yes. True. But again: what is the point here? This advice has the equivalent value as saying 'Water is not always liquid. Sometimes it is brick-hard and sometimes it is in the air.' I guess not one single person on earth is going to deny that. Here's a better one: Let facts and logic be your guide to better argumentation. If you have all the facts and made all the right conclusions, you can win any argument. Bad news: Most times you won't have the luxury of complete information. Good news: arguments are not about winning or losing. Arguments are about maximizing insights and getting the whole picture. So be prepared to change your mind in an argument.
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